Common Mistakes in Parental Alienation Cases
Listening to Others
Every Parental Alienation case has one thing in common: every case is different. Often the Alienator suffers from some type of narcissistic personality disorder; but, not always. Amy J. L. Baker describes in her book, ”adult children of parental alienation syndrome,” the prevalence of narcissism in alienating parents. If the alienating parent portrays narcissistic tendencies, our tactics in the court battle would be different than when the alienating parent exhibits signs of alcoholism – another prevailing trait of many alienating parents according to Dr. Baker.
Kill ‘em with Kindness
Some parents, but not experts as far as I know, argue that they will win or have won the battle by showering the alienating parent with kindness; thereby, somehow softening their hearts and changing their ways. Unfortunately, a targeted parent has only a small window of opportunity to rescue the relationship with the child; you cannot take the time it takes to explore a variety of unproven techniques. If you have a court order in place, an appropriate and loving parent teaches the children that we must abide by rules and obey authority, and comply with court orders. If a targeted parent responds with mere kindness to the violation of court orders, the children will not see the kindness and only notice that the targeted parent didn’t care to fight for them. This method is a no-go in my book.
Fighting every battle.
You cannot emotionally and financially afford to fight every barb and jab from the alienating parent. So often, clients call me stating “he said…. “; “she told the children”. Those are not the fights to fight. When enforceable provisions of court orders are violated, fight it. Fight it with all your worth and financial ability. Don’t major in the minors.
Never, ever, ever give up. Even if you have not seen your child in years, and she only spews venom and hatred towards you, continue sending her a card on her birthday. Continue to attend his concerts (presuming you may do so pursuant to court orders). At a very bare minimum, decades from now, she can never claim that you did not care. Do not stop filing the parenting violations with the Friend of the Court or the court system. Eventually, most judges and referees will take note. As Thomas Edison once said: “[o]ur greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”