Narcissist Divorce in Michigan: What Courts Actually Care About

The court listened to everything you said, every detail, every example, every story, and yet the judge has simply moved on. Not because you were lying, not because the judge was incompetent, but courts aren't designed to listen to all of your suffering. They're not there to validate your suffering. They're designed to evaluate your children's future, their needs, and what's best for them. And if nobody told you that before you walked into court the first time, you're already behind the game. In 30 years of handling cases just like these in West Michigan, there's one factor that I've seen that really is the most important in narcissistic divorces. By the time we reach the end of this video, you'll know what that is.
Hi, I'm Jim Kraayeveld, founding and lead attorney at Kraayeveld Family Law here in West Michigan, been doing this for over 30 years, and what I want to talk about is what Michigan courts are actually going to evaluate the impact of having children or not in your divorce, and then thirdly, what does it take to actually win? Michigan courts are going to evaluate behavior, not character. People love to say, "Well, he's a narcissist. She's a narcissist. They have narcissistic personality disorder." Probably isn't going to carry much weight in a courtroom.
First of all, unless you're a certified psychologist, PhD, or master's degree that actually could do the assessment, a layperson's opinion about what's narcissistic isn't going to carry any weight. So yes, an expert might be able to testify about it, but your opinion isn't going to matter. What matters is what was the behavior that impacted your children. So, if your ex is displaying what you would say is narcissistic behavior that impacts the children, that harms them, that affects them, that is emotionally damaging, and that kind of proof you can present to the court, you'll have a judge that will look at that.
Another thing to consider so your ex might be acting like a narcissist, but you're going through a divorce but there aren't any minor children. So, if it's not going to impact the kids down the road, and this is simply a math question, a financial question, is it really worth fighting for to just determine fault? Yes, it could impact the division of property, could impact spousal support where fault is one of the factors. But if you've got a reasonable estate and you're going to spend tens of thousands of dollars litigating a case and you're gonna spend more on attorney fees than any advantage in divvying up the assets, it's probably not a wise decision. As much as you'd like to point out how bad they are or how bad they were, the court's not going to care that much. And even if they do, is it even worth it? So that's a discussion to have with your attorney.
But if there are children involved, that's my third point, the way that you can make this relevant is by preparation. You need to have the right records, the right experts, the right witnesses. If you have logs, records of where you've kept track of this, you do hire an expert, a custody expert who can say, "Yes, the conduct of the other parent harmed the children in the following ways. This is what was bad. This is what we need to do to protect them down the road." Right witnesses, teachers, people at the pediatrician's office, neighbors, family members, and if they can show relevant examples of how this affected the children, it's that kind of preparation that will allow you to win regardless of the narcissist's ability to come across charming, pleasant, well-prepared for court, convincing a good salesperson in the court system, but facts don't lie. And so, with proper preparation, you can still do what's right for your kids and present your evidence. That's what it takes.
And if this is the kind of straight answer that you've been looking for, what courts actually look at, what your real options are, and what things actually cost, we put out videos like this regularly. Hit subscribe so you don't miss the next one. No fluff, no general advice, just what do Michigan courts look at and what do West Michigan parents actually need to know?
So, if you're in the middle of this right now or you feel it coming and see it coming, the most useful thing you can do is have a conversation with someone who knows this terrain. You don't need to commit to anything. You don't need to sign anything. But you ought to get a clear read on what your situation actually looks like from a legal standpoint, know what your options are, and what those options are all going to cost. We offer consultations, and we respond to every inquiry within one business day. You can reach us at 616-612-1393 or visit kraayeveld.com. Have a conversation, clear information, no pressure. That's what I'm inviting you to do.