[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BlogPosting","@id":"https:\/\/www.kraayeveld.com\/blog\/why-dont-they-just-leave\/#BlogPosting","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/www.kraayeveld.com\/blog\/why-dont-they-just-leave\/","headline":"Abusive Relationships: Why Don\u2019t They Just Leave?","name":"Abusive Relationships: Why Don\u2019t They Just Leave?","description":"It Sometimes is Not That Easy to Leave an Abusive Relationship Domestic violence victims, or more precisely referred to as Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) victims, nearly always report that when they met, they thought that their partner was attentive, caring and basically the nicest date they\u2019d ever had. It isn\u2019t that the victim was wrong […]","datePublished":"2019-07-08","dateModified":"2025-09-15","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.kraayeveld.com\/blog\/author\/james-kraayeveld\/#Person","name":"James Kraayeveld","url":"https:\/\/www.kraayeveld.com\/blog\/author\/james-kraayeveld\/","identifier":29,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f327c36375f93cacc1f5818cbd6ca5f9c1c362ddf86682a8d1f0adac2b1f6198?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f327c36375f93cacc1f5818cbd6ca5f9c1c362ddf86682a8d1f0adac2b1f6198?s=96&d=mm&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Kraayeveld Family Law","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/www.kraayeveld.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/Kraayeveld-Logo.svg","url":"https:\/\/www.kraayeveld.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/Kraayeveld-Logo.svg","width":0,"height":0}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/www.kraayeveld.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/cta-image-attorneys.jpg","url":"https:\/\/www.kraayeveld.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/cta-image-attorneys.jpg","width":454,"height":599},"url":"https:\/\/www.kraayeveld.com\/blog\/why-dont-they-just-leave\/","about":["Domestic Violence"],"wordCount":673,"articleBody":"It Sometimes is Not That Easy to Leave an Abusive RelationshipDomestic violence victims, or more precisely referred to as Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) victims, nearly always report that when they met, they thought that their partner was attentive, caring and basically the nicest date they\u2019d ever had. It isn\u2019t that the victim was wrong or blinded by their date\u2019s niceness. The partner was truly nice and caring. The abuse starts slowly.\u00a0The first time that the physical violence starts, the abuser can provide an explanation and excuse. There was a very heated fight; they (the abuser) had a lot to drink and \u201cit will never happen again\u201d. But it does happen again.Often physical abuse goes hand in hand with emotional and financial abuse.\u00a0In our family law practice, we often see that the abuser pushed for the victim to be a full-time caretaker for the children, and if the abuser controls the finances, the victim is without financial resources to get out.Even if the victim would consider moving out, he or she is filled with fear that the abuser will receive parenting time with the children. Even worse, the abuser often threatens that he or she will use all financial resources to get custody of the children. \u201cI have a house and a job, and you made up the abuse allegations because you are mentally ill so I\u2019ll get custody; you will be lucky if you ever see the kids\u201d.There are often secondary reasons why victims of emotional, sexual, or physical abuse do not leave the relationship.\u00a0If they did not have low self esteem before the relationship, their self esteem will erode during the abusive relationship; some victims stay in the relationship due to immigration issues or language barriers. Sometimes the victim is dependent on the abusers due to a physical disability.Many victims do not have a strong familial support system in place.\u00a0Sometimes they never had the parental support; sometimes it (further) diminishes due to the abuser\u2019s demands such as a move to a new geographical area away from the family and the support system.With minor children involved, some victims reason that it\u2019s better to take the occasional beating and keep the children in the same home and school, rather than end up in a shelter with an unknown future. Fear for the unknown can be debilitating.Research\u00a0shows that children as young as one year old can display distress due to verbal conflict between the parents.\u00a0Children\u2019s witness of severe abuse is associated with behavioral problems, alcoholism and drug use and children even may become abusers as well.\u00a0Just growing up with a parent who is being abused will impact a child:\u00a0when the victimized parent is depressed, it is difficult to parent appropriately; victims of abuse have trouble being warm and loving to their children which the study associated with greater dysfunction for the children.At\u00a0Kraayeveld Family Law, we often help men and women who are in abusive relationships. If possible, we\u2019d like to meet with you before you move out of the home so that we can\u00a0plan an exit strategy\u00a0which first and foremost safeguards your and the children\u2019s safety. We\u2019ll discuss what you may expect regarding\u00a0custody\u00a0of the children and\u00a0parenting time\u00a0because knowing what to expect will alleviate some stress.\u00a0 Additionally, we create a financial plan, including child support and spousal support options.Sometimes, victims of abuse do not have the luxury of planning their exit strategy. Police becomes involved, the abuser is arrested and removed from the house.\u00a0When our clients call us in such a situation, we\u2019d like to meet as soon as possible to ensure that we\u00a0obtain an order\u00a0that provides you with custody of the children and safeguards your assets.If you are considering leaving an abusive relationship, contact the attorneys at\u00a0Kraayeveld Family Law at\u00a0(616) 285-0808\u00a0so that we can work with you create a safety plan for your future."},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Blog","item":"https:\/\/www.kraayeveld.com\/blog\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Abusive Relationships: Why Don\u2019t They Just Leave?","item":"https:\/\/www.kraayeveld.com\/blog\/why-dont-they-just-leave\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]